Q; What is something that changed my thinking this week?
I can remember when my brother was younger and wanted to paint his nails pink like I was, and my dad got upset with him for not “doing what boys do.” Whether or not that was just a phase or even a one-time thing, I know that my brother would never ask me to paint his nails ever again, let alone let me paint them if I was the one to ask.
About a year ago I decided that I would stop shaving and wearing a bra just to please others, and would just shave when I felt like it and wear a bra when I felt that it wouldn’t be incredibly uncomfortable. There were people in my life close to me that were really upset by this, and were worried for me because I was not “doing what girls do.”
Today I was at school I overheard some of my peers using homophobic terms to describe something they saw as feminine. Over, and over, and over again. I wanted to say something so badly but couldn’t get myself to.
It was then that I really noticed the presence of gender roles placed on my peers, how everything that we do is put into such black and white terms, and how we are expected to fit into a category that outlines our entire personality, a category based solely on gender.
How girls are expected to look pretty and proper and wear makeup, but not too much, look nice but not like we are trying to look nice. If we don’t wear a bra we are gross or strange, but if you can actually see the bra we are expected to wear then we are scandalous and slutty? (fyi “slut” is probably my least favourite word in the entire world ever.) We are supposed to be smooth and hairless, despite shaving being expensive and time consuming.
Almost every time one of my peers speaks up about something they feel is wrong, it’s a boy. I have tried before and been called “bossy” and “scary”, as have the other girls that I have heard speak their mind. What we say is often chalked up to be directly related to our menstrual cycle; a fit of PMS and attitude that is paid no respect.
I’ve been thinking, if I had received the same response as my male peers when speaking my mind about something I feel is wrong, would I have hesitated like I did today in class? Or would I have told my peers today that what they were saying was degrading, derogatory, demeaning, and ignorant. That there are millions of men and women fighting to gain their respect and fundamental human rights back from those who have stolen them, and that using their sexual identity as an insult is not acceptable. That there could have been a student in the room that identifies as LGBTQ+ but is too scared to come out to friends or family for fear of their sexuality being seen as negative, and that their fears were just affirmed by those derogatory comments.
I have spent every minute since the bell rang wishing I had confronted those students and told them my perspective on what they were saying, but I didn’t, because I tried in the past and had a bully claim to be scared of me for telling them that bullying is “not okay” and that they should stop bullying one of my peers. I feel that if a boy had stood up and said the exact same things I said he would have been respected, but I appeared bossy. All because I am a girl.
I do realize that there are gender roles placed on my male peers as well. They are supposed to appear tough and manly but still be sensitive. If they are too sensitive then they are considered feminine and therefore gay, as if sexuality is in any way related to sensitivity, but if they appear too tough or manly they are a considered a “tool” and do not get any emotional recognition. They are expected to excel in sports, and not care about school, I have even heard boys getting positive praise and attention from peers for getting the lowest mark on a test. My knowledge on male gender roles is obviously limited, but this is what I have observed.
This week I have been thinking a lot about the gender roles that have an impact on my peers and I, and how that connects to my IDC project. There seems to be a big disconnect between my peers and the social standards that they face, and I really want to draw more attention to that with my IDC project. I have been wondering if the rest of my peers are used to the pressures put on them because of their gender and don’t notice them any more, if they prefer to have those gender roles in place, or are completely unaware of them.
I have been thinking about the marketing aspect of my project and how I want to draw more attention to gender roles through the marketing of my products. I want to bring more awareness to gender roles, consent, and body positivity, and think that the posters I design to market my girl positive/body positive line of merchandise will be a good way to get the attention of my peers. I want to get them thinking about the gender roles placed on them, and hopefully get them to break those gender roles. I am expecting only a fraction of the school to stop to look at my products and designs, but the posters will reach almost everybody. Hallways, classrooms, the cafeteria, entrances, and more.
This was my accumulation of thoughts this week on gender roles, which was something that changed my thinking and I then applied to the plans for my IDC project.
